


The Lady in the mirror

by Skatergirl29



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Injury, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Protective Gwaine, Self-Harm, Worried Arthur and Gwen, wedding day/night, worried knights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 17:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7396417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skatergirl29/pseuds/Skatergirl29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starts at the end of the Lady of the Lake: Merlin get's Freya to the lake but he doesn't realise that the knights have followed him they all knew something had been on Merlin's mind but they never thought it was a girl. Not wanting to leave Merlin alone they decide to stay and keep their friend company. The next day Merlin goes to tend to Arthur still suffering with the death of Freya Arthur is worried about his friend and tries to find out what is upsetting Merlin but only succeeds in making Merlin more upset. Merlin shuts himself away in his room and starts cutting himself he turns up to help Arthur with the knights training, Leon and the others are the only ones to know what Merlin's going through and they try to help him by telling Arthur exactly what Merlin's been going through but this only makes Merlin angry Gwaine goes to see Merlin and finds Merlin unconscious on the floor blood pouring from his arms. Gwaine is so worried that he stays beside Merlin all night and eventually a relationship forms between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He was going to marry her

Merlin stumbled through the woods carrying Freya eventually he caught sight of the lake he had no idea that Leon and the others were following him Merlin carefully laid Freya down on the wet muddy ground she looked over at the lake and said 'You remembered Merlin' Merlin said 'I promised I would bring you here but I have a feeling we're not alone' Leon said 'We didn't want you to be alone Merlin' Merlin said 'Thank you' Freya said 'Merlin I can't hold on any longer but I promise you one day I will repay you for everything you've done for me' Merlin said 'Just remember I will always love you' the knights watched as Merlin clung onto Freya hoping by some miracle she would wake up but sorrow can come to anyone no matter how happy they are and it hit Merlin like a tone of bricks the knights and Merlin helped Merlin prepare a boat which they covered in wild flowers they stood back and watched as Merlin laid Freya in the boat and pushed it out onto the lake Merlin held his hand out his eyes glazing over because of the tears but his eyes flashed gold and the boat slowly caught fire Merlin fell to his knees and cried to the heavens the knights walked over and placed comforting hands on Merlin's shoulders.

That tragic day passed but Merlin was still suffering from the grief of loosing the one he loved the knights tried to help Merlin as much as they could but nothing they did seemed to help. On a bright sunny morning Merlin went to take Arthur his breakfast normally Arthur was in a grumpy mood but this morning he was in pleasant mood Arthur said 'Good morning Merlin' Merlin said 'Morning sire' Arthur said 'Merlin is everything alright you look upset about something' Merlin said 'I'm fine Arthur really I don't need your pity' Arthur said 'Merlin calm down I'm just concerned about you I'm your friend' Merlin said 'Friend what sort of friend would make someone cry' Merlin turned on his heels and ran as fast as he could out of the castle Gwaine and the others were about to go out on patrol when Merlin ran past them Leon said 'Merlin wait come back. Do you think we should go after him' Gwaine said 'No he needs some space' Merlin sat in the field he watched as the knights left to patrol the trade routes even though he hadn't shown it he was incredibly grateful to all the knights and maybe he was starting to have feelings towards Gwaine but his heart was so broken it was to hard to tell.

 

That night as Merlin slept he was awoken by an angel like voice calling out his name he sat up and saw Freya's face in the mirror she said 'Merlin why didn't you save me we could have been married by now' knowing that what she said was true Merlin broke down in tears the reflection said 'I wish you'd never saved me from the bounty hunters cage' Merlin picked up the mirror and threw it against the wall falling to his knees amongst the broken shards of glass he had no idea that what he'd just seen was a shade taking Freya's form and twisting his mind Merlin picked up a glass shard and ran it across his wrist Merlin watched as blood poured from the wound he reached into his trunk and pulled out some bandages he quickly bandaged the wound and climbed back into bed. The next morning Merlin woke up early remembering that Arthur had scheduled an early training session as he made his way to Arthur's chambers Leon approached him he said 'How are you coping Merlin' Merlin said 'I just wish I could talk to someone about it' Leon said 'You know you can talk to me or the other knights about it we know better than anyone what your going through but it'll be alright as long as you have people close to you'. Merlin smiled and carried on walking towards Arthur's chambers Leon turned around and watched Merlin walk away the keen eyed knight noticed the bandages on Merlin's arms and one thought came to his mind but he thought that there was no way Merlin would do that to himself.

The training session bought new challenges for the knights at the end of the Christmas celebrations they would each be presented with their own shield and so Arthur wanted them to practice fighting with a shield and a different weapon after training for nearly two hours Arthur allowed the knights to have a break as they sat down in the shade they noticed Merlin looked very tired Leon said 'When I saw Merlin this morning before training I could have sworn I saw his arm wrapped in bandages' Percival said 'So what are you saying' Leon said 'I meen I'm hoping it isn't true but I think Merlin may have self harmed himself' Gwaine said 'Poor lad he's taking Freya's death really hard isn't he I wish there was something we could do to help' Percival said 'We could tell Arthur I think it would help Merlin to talk to Arthur' Leon said 'But shouldn't Merlin really tell Arthur himself' Gwaine said 'We have to do what's best for Merlin because if he is harming himself how long could it be before he kills himself' Percival said 'I agree with Gwaine Merlin's our friend. Arthur can we talk to you for a second' Arthur nodded and sat down beside his knights.

 

Leon said 'Arthur we're going to tell you this because right now Merlin needs you more than he needs us. Do you remember the day that druid girl was injured in the lower town' Arthur nodded his head Leon said 'Well we were out on patrol that night when we spotted Merlin riding away from Camelot with what looked like a druid girl we decided to follow him and eventually he stopped at a lake it was clear to us that Merlin was upset about the girl being injured and we couldn't leave him alone so we stayed with him until the girl died' Arthur said 'What else do we know about this girl' Gwaine said 'Her name was Freya and Merlin was going to ask her to marry him had she survived' Arthur said 'Where did he bury her' Percival said 'He didn't he burnt her body he still has the ashes though' Merlin walked over and said 'How could you tell him I trusted you not to tell anyone' Gwaine said 'Merlin we're just trying to help you we're your friends please don't push us away' Merlin said 'I'll never forgive you for this any of you'.

 

The knights sat in their shared room still upset about what had happened Gwaine said 'I'll go and see If Merlin's alright' Leon said 'Good idea'. Gwaine walked down the hallway to Merlin's chamber and knocked on the door but he got no answer so he knocked again and still got no answer he tried the door but to his surprise it was locked Morgana was walking down the hall with Gwen Morgana said 'Sir Gwaine is there a problem' Gwaine said 'It's Merlin m lady he won't open the door' Gwen said 'That's unlike Merlin' Gwaine said 'Stand back I'm going to kick the door down' with a swift kick the wooden door shattered off it's hinges Gwaine walked in followed by Gwen and Morgana Gwaine drew his sword and walked towards the bedroom drawing back the curtains he dropped his sword at the sight he was met with Merlin was laid on the bed unconscious his head draped over the side of the bed blood poured from his arms and onto the wooden floor Morgana was by Merlin's side in an instant Gwen ran down the hall towards Gaius's chambers and fetched the physician the knights stood outside the room as Gaius cleaned and dressed Merlin's wounds Arthur joined his knights having only just been told about Merlin Arthur said 'How is he' Leon said 'Alive he's lost a fair amount of blood but he's alive' Percival said 'Gaius says the wounds were definitely caused by self harm' Arthur said 'Where's Gwaine' Leon said 'In with Merlin he hasn't moved since he found him'.

Gwaine sat beside Merlin's bedside for two days and two nights and on the third night Merlin slowly woke up he was happy to see Gwaine sat beside him Merlin said 'I'm sorry if I worried you and the knights I just felt so alone I didn't know who to turn to' Gwaine said 'That's not important anymore Merlin what matters is that your still alive when I found you I have never been more scared in all my life I honestly thought you were dead' Merlin said 'If I died would you miss me' Gwaine said 'Of course I would miss you Merlin I love you with all my heart' Merlin pushed aside the pain and sat up so he could reach Gwaine's lips and passionately kissed Gwaine on the lips.


	2. I think I know what I need to do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So at the beginning of this chapter I've made it look like Merlin and Gwaine have been in a relationship for a while Arthur and his knights travel to a neighbouring village to investigate recent bandit attacks but while their away Merlin struggles to cope without Gwaine and his friends around and he finds he's still having the dreams about Freya in the mirror. When Gwaine and the others arrive home Merlin is overjoyed but even more so when Gwaine proposes to him everyone is delighted for them and preparations take place for the wedding and Merlin has something important to do before the wedding.

Merlin woke to birds singing on his window ledge he rubbed his eyes and felt something soft on his face he sat up and saw that his entire room was covered in red rose petals Merlin smiled and quickly got dressed before running down to the armoury where he found Gwaine putting his armour on Gwaine said 'Good morning my love' Merlin said 'Good morning handsome. Was it you who showered my room in rose petals' Gwaine said 'Oh yeah that was me I thought they were beautiful but not as beautiful as you and I thought they'd look nice on your silky skin' Merlin said 'As much as I would love to stay here and chat with you I think Arthur might have something else to say about that' Gwaine said 'Before you go anywhere' Gwaine grabbed Merlin round the waist and passionately kissed him'. Merlin walked into Arthur's chambers Merlin said 'Good morning sire' Arthur said 'Ah Merlin at last I need you to help me pack' Merlin said 'Of course sire may I ask where your going' Arthur said 'Myself and the knights are going to investigate sightings of a group of bandits near the north road' Merlin opened Arthur's wardrobe and began taking out some items that Arthur would want he turned around and said 'Do you need me to come as-well sire' Arthur looked up from the map he was studying and said 'Oh no Merlin you stay here and rest I hope I haven't upset you by saying I don't need you to come' Merlin said 'No of course not Arthur. All your stuff is packed now if there's nothing else I'll say good night'.

Merlin sat at the table with Gaius who was talking about something he'd read in one of his books Merlin however was deep in thought Gaius said 'Merlin are you actually listening to me' Merlin said 'Yes of course Gaius' Gaius said 'What did I just say then' Merlin said 'I don't know Gaius' Gaius set his bowl aside and said 'Please tell me what's troubling you' Merlin said 'I don't want Gwaine to go I need him now more than ever' Gaius said 'Is Freya's death still bothering you' Merlin said 'I do still miss her and sometimes I can't help but think that I could have done more to save her' Gaius looked up as Merlin burst into tears he stood up and pulled Merlin into a warm hug Gaius said 'You did everything you could for Freya you made her feel loved that probably made her feel more special than you can ever imagine. And as for Gwaine he'll be back before you know it'.

 

The next morning Arthur and the knights were preparing to leave Gwaine stood next to his horse Leon said 'Gwaine are you planning to walk to Locksley' Gwaine said 'I thought Merlin would have come down to say goodbye' Percival said 'He's probably taking advantage of Arthur not needing him and having a lie in' Arthur said 'We need to leave' Merlin ran down the stairs tripping over his own feet as he entered the courtyard he said 'Gwaine wait' Gwaine turned his horse and approached Merlin he bent down and kissed Merlin passionately on the lips he said 'I'll be back in two days look to my coming at first light on the second day at dawn look to the east' Merlin said 'Take care of yourself I meen it Gwaine' Leon stopped under the arch and said 'Gwaine come on'. Merlin watched with a heavy heart as Gwaine rode out of the courtyard Gwen walked over and said 'Don't worry Merlin Gwaine's a strong knight he'll return'.

* * *

* * *

That same morning Merlin took Arthur's absence as the opportunity to give the royal chambers a spring clean just as he was cleaning the mirror he felt as if he wasn't alone he turned around and saw Freya stood behind him Freya said 'Why didn't you save me Merlin I was carrying your child we could have been a family' Merlin said 'I did everything I could to save you but my magic wasn't as strong then as it is now and you can't have been carrying my child we never slept together' Freya looked down at the floor and said 'I want you to feel bad for letting me die nobody will ever love someone like you' Merlin said 'Stop it Freya please just stop'. Morgana had just come back from her morning ride and was walking past Arthur's chambers when she heard Merlin screaming she walked into Arthur's room and said 'Merlin what's wrong what's happened' Merlin said 'I saw her Morgana I saw Freya she was stood right there but she wasn't like I remember her she told me I should feel bad for letting her die and that nobody will ever love me again' Morgana said 'That's not true though Gwaine loves you more than you know' 

 

The two days passed and Merlin did just as Gwaine had told him he stood on the battlements watching out for the Arthur and the Knights return and then as he looked to the east he saw a flash of their red cloaks catching in the morning sunlight Merlin made his way down into the courtyard the knights were all dismounting from their horses Jonas walked over to Gwaine and said 'How was she today sir Gwaine' Gwaine said 'She was abit strong but could you make sure she has a proper rub down she did work hard' Gwaine turned around and saw Merlin stood behind him he picked Merlin up and spun him around when Gwaine had put Merlin down the knights all looked at him Gwaine got down on one knee and said 'Merlin I love you with all my heart will you marry me' Merlin stood completely still he looked around at the knights who were all smiling and nodding their heads Gwaine said 'Merlin' Merlin said 'Oh sorry yes I will marry you' Gwaine smiled and slid onto Merlin's finger a gold ring with the Camelot emblem engraved on it  


End file.
